Validation

Listening to: Ashes - Trivium
Mood: Exhausted

As I sat eating lunch today with my small group of friends, I made an observation. It wasn't the observation that took me by surprise, but how much it occurs, and how everyone, I'm sure, has fallen victim to it at least once before. The need for validation.

So I sat there, and as I observed my group over lunch I saw a plethora of times where someone said something, hoping, waiting for someone to agree with them, to validate their point of view. I know I'm 100% guilty of this. I can almost say I probably seek some sort of validation everyday, in various forms, but nevertheless, validation is sought for.

Just over the course of our mere 40 minute lunch break I witnessed at least 3 different situations where validation was sought for, and they came in their own various forms.

One notable form that validation is sought for is when someone is telling an anecdote and someone joins in, trying to tell their own similar anecdote, but it's an anecdote with no substance. As in there's nothing interesting about it nor funny. Basically something not even worth mentioning. And I watched as this person paused, waiting for someone to validate what they had said. We all just sat there, but not just sitting there like we hadn't heard, but looking from one another with a look that clearly stamped, "what?!"

Another form of validation that I witnessed today was the need to, let's say, purchase validation or friendship. So there's this girl in my group, let's call her M. I'm not by all means saying that what M did was "sucking up", but it definitely felt like it to an extent. So she's not exactly the type of girl that everyone wants to be friends with or hang out with, so our group adopted her. She's the type of person who changes her opinions or whatnot, to fit in better with people, basically, she's a chameleon. A type of personality I despise most, people who have no opinions of their own, or their own 2 cents, it's like talking to a recording of yourself. Anyway, she bought me a chocolate muffin for lunch. It was absolutely lovely of her to do that, it was her shout and all, and completely unnecessary, I had my own money and everything, but nevertheless, she bought me a muffin. But she also bought the rest of my group little goodies too. She's always been the one to bring in cakes and homemade goodies to share, but it's almost like she needs to do something like that to secure her place with us. She says things that she thinks that we'd agree with, and constantly hopes that someone would pat on the head and tell her good job, but quite frankly there's nothing worth a pat on the head for.

Another telltale situation that is common for validation is, I guess you can call it, "fishing for compliments". I've done it, my friends have all pretty much done it before too. This is so common that after a while it's almost unnoticeable. For those who don't know what it is exactly, it's when someone brings up something in a statement, usually a flaw, and hope that someone would counter that statement. For example, "I really suck at painting." Sometimes this can go either way, perhaps they really do suck, and in that case sick it to them; gently. But a lot of the times the person is usually quite good at it and are just hoping that someone would appreciate their work.

When I started this blog entry however many minutes ago, I didn't really have a clear thought in mind, but after writing all that I've come to realise the fatal flaw in humans that influences this common human activity. Insecurities. They can make even the most confident person buckle at the knees, weak with anticipation and hope for validation. Looking back at all those moments where I've sought for validation, they all sourced from one thing, my insecurities. But by no means do those moments of validation build you up, well they definitely haven't helped me, because once someone validates whatever needs validating, you wonder if they truly meant what they said, or whether it was said simply to save you the searing pain of truth.

With all that said, I guess the need for constant validation is closely linked to the fact that no matter what we receive we always want more. What we have, what we get, is just never enough to satisfy us.