One person holds many identities, all of which can be interchangeable depending on the situation at hand. One could be a sister, wife, employee, student, Chinese. They can be dependent on one's gender or simply their status in society.
I've always known that I had many identities which I had to live up to, but in recent times it has been painfully obvious how with each identity I act very differently. With my friends I'm loud, opinionated and slightly crazy. With my partner I'm romantic, bubbly in a flirty way and definitely girlier. With new people I'm shy, quiet and overly smiley. I act in a way in how I'm comfortable that certain group perceives me.
I have a few people, two to be exact, whom I always feel slightly intimidated by and am always self-conscious about what I say and how intellectual I sound. They are both much more mature than I and in my opinion world's more intellectual than myself, so I don't tend to speak or dominate the conversation so much, just in case.
Also I've notice you put me with certain people such as my parents and you will see me ready to argue and full of opinions and corrections, but with other's like those I mentioned, I'm ready to accept and listen to what they have to say.
Not only do these tolerance levels of people flux depending on whom it's concerning, my confidence only appears in certain departments. Some females, for reasons I do not understand, find it embarrassing to buy pads and tampons or ask for some, let alone admit they have their period. I have absolutely no problem with going out there in search of a pad or tampon. I also have no problem striking up conversations with people if I'm on my own, but if I have another person with me, meeting new people is difficult because I would sit back and observe.
I've also noticed how violently my mood changes are depending on whom I am with. When I'm with my friends I'm a little bit crazy, but overall, happy. When I'm with my partner, no matter how terrible I felt before, when I'm with her it feels like there's nothing wrong in the world. I feel honestly on top of the world, I can't stop smiling, even hours after leaving her presence. When I'm with my parents I feel melancholy and prepared to put out an argument defending my point of view, which is futile as it is always disregarded regardless of how brilliant my argument was.
One thing I have learnt about myself recently is that I hate to be humiliated, or seem to need help. I don't really like being helped. That's definitely the pedantic, OCD side of me that shines through in that circumstance. I realised this today where I was left out on my own to find my way around the labyrinth that is Sydney University. I was too embarrassed to whip out a map like many other's were doing, not to mention too embarrassed to seem like I was lost or looking around, so asking someone for directions was a big no-no. (I have no problem asking for directions if I was in a bookstore for example) So thank god for technology advancement, I used my iPhone discreetly to search up directions to each of my lecture halls.
I guess 2010, this new decade, has really enabled me to learn more about myself on almost a daily basis.
xx