Heal The World

Listening to: Trust - Sevendust
Mood: the sickening feeling you get when you've eaten WAY too much

In the last couple of weeks I've been trying to compile a play-list of music I want played at my birthday party in a few weeks time. I sit and ponder what would I enjoy listening to, and what would the people I've invited enjoy dancing and listening to? I sat and scrolled through my 9000 track-list on iTunes and decide to first put in all the songs I share with specific people, ok so with that out of 20 odd songs I have 5, another 15 to decide. The latest hits perhaps? No, the DJ will have that. Classic songs I listened to as a child? Ok another 5 songs down, 10 to go. Then I began to think about songs that have been played at recent parties I've been to, like old school sort of songs that have been played, first thought; Michael Jackson.

I remember a time where I was the only person brave enough to admit I love Michael Jackson's music and everyone just said "how could you? He's a child molester!" but I just stuck to my guns and told them that I had grown up listen to Michael and that regardless of his personal life his music was still amazing. Boy did I get laughed at and now after his death all those people who laughed at me and made sly comments like that listen to his music constantly and say how much they love him. But do they really?

It annoys me to see people who do this. Why? Because I've experienced friendships somewhat like this scenario where they'll be there for all the good times, but disappear on you when you need them. Sure I'm merely a fan of Michael's, and not even a massive fan at that, but still it annoys me to see this happen.

A few years back, almost 5 now, just as his child molester case was coming to light, I made a DVD about something, can't remember exactly what, but Michael Jackson's "Heal The World" worked beautifully with is and I got so much criticism from people about it. And as I said before, those same people are now proclaiming how they love him, but none of them owned a CD or song by him before his tragic death on the 25th of June 2009.

Sure I'm probably overreacting, but I guess to some extent it shows what sort of person these people are, what sort of friends they're. Perhaps that taking a few steps to far to say they're the same in friendships, but who knows? It could be something so deep in their psyche that they haven't tapped into just yet, for all you know this could just be the surface of it all.

I'm one of those people who'd rather one best friend over ten friends. And if you happened to be that lucky one best friend, then I'm one to shift mountains to make them happy, to be there for them. This is perhaps why I'm worked up about something like this, loyalty is VERY important, so are other things of course.

But I guess there are always two sides to a coin and the flip would be the way the public has reacted over his death and it's just the amount of sudden acceptance that people are tapping into. But with that said, does that now mean that it's genuine or is it all due to peer pressure and it's all a facade to "fit in" as such?

xx

Inner vs. Outer

Mood: Exhausted

As I was exercising away in front of the TV watching My Best Friend's Wedding I realised something, the guys in that movie aren't good looking in the slightest, but their endearing characters made them seem more attractive and I realised how much a beautiful personally influences a person's perception. Sure, I somewhat knew this that inner beauty out weighs outer beauty, but I never truly realised this until I was watching unattractive guys prance around on TV and felt captivated by their personalities.

Sadly, society puts a heavy emphasis on out beauty and not so much on inner, and now it's not only affecting women but men as well. Men feel the need to bulk up, or slim down, they spend ages on their hair etc. This doesn't apply to all guys as I don't know what every guy is like, but with those I do know I see this new trent appearing. My little brother complains about how much he weighs saying he needs to lose weight, sad thing is he's lighter than me but also a whole lot taller. Men, the "new age man" has also "prettied" up. My little brother, and others I know, spend SO much time on their hair and once done it's a no touch zone. However, women are still somewhat more severe, I feel anyway.

I know a girl, SP, who was diagnosed with anorexia a year or so ago. She's fine now, eating and looking healthier. Another girl I know if you saw her you'd think she was anorexic and she one day announced that she will begin a severe diet regime once her thighs touch. Reality check, 99% of most women's thighs touch.

The media heavily influences women and show them unrealistic images of how they should look. Yeah, sure this issue has been raised time and time again, but has anything changed? Sure we as active females realise these are unrealistic, but it doesn't mean we stop comparing ourselves. The media's not going to change, they'll keep their skinny, anorexic looking models no matter what. I'm not saying all women are like this cuz I know a few girls who are proud of their bodies and are super confident, and sadly, I'm envious. I wish I could have that confidence.

Over the last two years I've put on the "HSC 8 kilos" and now looking back at old photos I was rather skinny, my weight was just in the normal zone, but I wasn't happy. I constantly tried to lose weight and now I wonder why. Especially looking back with this extra weight, I wish I hadn't been so stupid. Of course, now I'm trying frantically to lose the extra weight. I just can't help it, this focus on my weight is always brought to light by my family which has had detrimental affects on me.

I've always been picked on by my own family for my weight. Back when I was just normal, I was told I was too fat, that I needed to lose weight, stop eating junk food, exercise. This has always been the case ever since the turn into puberty. And now it's no different, it's actually more severe. For birthday's comments get thrown left, right and centre when I get a piece of cake, "should you really be eating that?". Somedays I do wonder if I have a bad relationship with food because of all these comments. I constantly count calories, I frequently skip meals, I would choose liquids over solid foods, I drink only diet soda and refuse to drink liquids over 100 calories unless it's a skim cappuccino (it stimulates the metabolism). I just can't help it.

It's scary to know that these comments are coming from those are suppose to love and accept who I am. I can understand them telling me this if I was actually overweight or fat to try to keep me healthy, but I'm not fat nor overweight. It's sad to know that these comments have stayed with me all this time, and I still can't shake them away. Regardless of what friends say I don't believe them. The guy I like constantly says how much better I look with the extra weight, but sometimes I wonder if he's telling the truth, and sometimes I just downright disagree with him.

What scares me the most is the joy, the thrill I get seeing the weight come off. And when I've reached the goal of losing say a kilo, I would just keep pushing the goal further and further away. No matter how much weight I lose I would still look at myself in disgust and wish to lose more, which I get is the mindset I had when I was skinnier.

I guess I just need to find that confidence deep within myself and slowly move away from this super body consciousness. If society is all for healthy looking girls or guys, then why is the pressure to be super skinny or absolutely gorgeous still there?

xx

Friends Forever

Listening to: Bury Your Head - Saosin

Mood: Tired

A friend once said to me that best friends are people who "prove" themselves to you. He didn't specify how they were to prove themselves, but he said you just knew that they have proven themselves worthy to be your best friend when they've done something incredible. And as I was lying awake in bed, as you do, my brain started churning away when it should've been shutting down. You know, when one thought leads to another and before you know it you have this huge mind-map, this huge tree of thoughts that branched its root from a simple question.

After he said this to me, I began to re-evaluate the few I consider my best friends. He informed me that he only has one best mate, as best friends/mates is something prestigious and should been given away as a title almost like an award. But I have so many people throughout my life I have considered my best friends, sure some have come back to bite me really hard on the ass, and some have stuck around, but many we're simply just not as close as we use to be, but we're still "best friends". And this whole "proving" throws me off a little, but I can see where he's coming from.

Here's an example, I have this girl in my grade at the moment and she suffers severe asthma. She never had it prior to her hike up Mount. Kilimanjaro and ever since then she has suffered life-threatening asthma attacks where her lungs fill with fluids and she can basically drown from internal fluids. Ok, that's the background of this friendship. Last year I witnessed something that has earnt the respect of this girl, let's call her T and the girl with asthma K. As a grade we went and had a dinner, like a little Christmas dinner, farewell for the summer sort of thing, and we were all dancing away when suddenly K has an asthma attack. Though, she goes everywhere prepared, steriods around her neck, and a bag full of drugs ready to be injected. I watched as T calmly called the ambulance after she injected her, I watched as T carefully dealt with the situation with calmness on her side as the rest of the grade stared in shock and fear. I admit, I was freaking out. I'm friends with K and it was difficult to see her suffer like that, I was too scared to more or act, but T just went about it. Does that define a best friend? I know for actual fact that they are, and have been even before her incident on Mount. Kilimanjaro.

I have this friend, C, I've known her since I was 10 and we use to do everything together, and I do mean everything. We hung out with only each other, until we hit highschool. The coming of Year 7 saw a dramatic change in who we hung out with and how much time was allocated to each other. Regardless, we still hung out during the weekends, but during the week we saw different people and sat apart. Year 8 saw my departure from that school, she was the only one who knew before I left that I was leaving. She even cried on my last day at school whilst everybody judged her, she kept my secret safe. And since then, well the time we've spent together has diminished to birthdays, which means twice a year and perhaps a few run in here and there. Sad thing is, we live so close to each other, our schools are so close, technology is blooming, and yet the friendship has seem to come to a stand still. Surprisingly, whenever I'm with her we talk like there's no tomorrow and it seems as if nothing's changed. She was always there for me, and I hope I was there for her too. We experienced the transition from children to teenagers together, and soon, teenagers to young women.

Mr. D, I've known him since I was 3, so that's 15 years. I won't lie, there are HUGE gaps in those 15 years where contact was lost completely, albeit the fact he lived 10m across the road. Yeap, he was a pre-school friend who became my neighbour, yet contact was rare, even when I lived there. Since I've moved, technology became our source of contact, and still today it is. We rarely see each other, and to be quite honest, for both Mr.D and Miss.C, I don't know much about them anymore. I have memories of times we've shared, but I don't know them. If you asked me what's their favourite colour, I couldn't tell you. What's their favourite food, drink, show, celebrity? - I couldn't answer. Sure ask me their birthday, ethnicity, phone numbers, email addresses, number of siblings and I can answer in a heartbeat. But do either friendships fit the mould that is a best friend?

So C and D I've known for a substantial period of my life, how about newer friendships that have been forged? Could they be determined to be best friends already, or is it too soon to say?

I've known G since my move to my new school, so it's been 4 years. In the past 4 years we've gotten to know each other quite well. We do a tonne of things together, she sleeps over once every week without fail. She's slept over my house for a week straight. My parents treat her like she's their child. Ask me who's her celebrity crush, whether she has a boyfriend, whether she's kissed someone yet, food she loathes, and I can easily answer them. I see her at least once everyday at school, and we frequently call each other and talk for long periods of time, whereas the other's I simply text. However, she has a myriad of people she regard as her best friends, and honestly I sometimes wonder where I stand. Perhaps this is what my friend meant when he said it was a privilege to be called someone's best friend.

LL I've known for about 3 years, and our friendship is built on many similarities. The love for music, and the arts. Some similar experiences, and many secrets shared. I don't know why, or how, but I trusted her so quickly and easily it scared me. We have frequent gaps of a good 6-7 months where we don't talk at all, then when we do we're constantly chatting on msn, texting or whatnot. I know at least 3 other people who's relationship with me is similar to this, well somewhat. JJ was a guy I had a major crush on and pursued a friendship with. AJ was someone I met through school and somehow a friendship has formed. Not sure how, it just has, we share nothing in common, we're almost polar opposites you could say. B is similar to LL. However, the last three I frequently see them and talk to them in person, or through the phone, especially B and AJ as we go to school together.

So, I've present a plethora of relationships I have and that I perceive as good friends, but do any of them fall under the best friend category? Have any of them done something so incredible that my life has hit a 180 because of it? Well, many of them have done things that I appreciate. Some have driven over an hour to come see me perform, or have come out to pick me up at 1am somewhere an hour away. Do these things count, or are they things that friends should do regardless of how "best" they are?

Personally, I'm one of those people who would rather 1 close friend over 10 friends, I have always said this about myself. Thinking about it now, am I one of those people? Out of these people, who is my best friend, or are they simply so different that you can't choose one and you must have several to appease your needs?

xx

The Must Have Accessory

Listening to: Franklin - Paramore

Mood: Content

Ok, so in about 3months I will be attending my Year 12 formal where everyone brings out the big guns; gorgeous dresses, fabulous hair and make-up, spectacular jewelry and of course, who can forget, the hunk-a-spunk partner that's the cherry on top, the accessory of all accessories. But my lack of choices for the latter has led me to begin to think of society's emphasis on the need for females to depend on males.

Way back when women were suppressed by men, women fought for our rights, to equal our stances in society, to remove ourselves from the patriarchal society, not completely, but enough for independence. Sure, many rights have been amended, and independence, well for the most part, we have that too. Virginia Woolf's treatise A Room Of One's Own highlights the obstacles women in the 1900's faced, many of which have been amended, so why have women returned to their dependence on men?

Sure, it's not exactly dependence as such by comparison to the 1900's. Woolf's thesis was that for independence women "must have money and a room of her own", that's not a problem these days. Women don't necessarily depend on men to be the bread winners anymore, and a "room of her own", well I've heard of many single women living in apartments alone. We're almost reflecting Edward Albee's argument in his play Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf? that both sexes need each other, but not in the "normal" sense, but need in the sense of using them for personal gain. These days, women and men alike USE the opposite sex as an accessory.

The opposite sex is, as mentioned above, the accessory of all accessories. It's flaunted like no other accessory, and is the most highly demanded. But all for what? I'm not going to step to the side and not take a hit for being a victim of this new wave of obsession, but I want to question why. Why is it important?

A friend once said to me, I'm paraphrasing here, that women to him were mere accessories. This took me by shock, especially when he said he had a few girlfriends, at the same time. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm not a fan of polygamy, I'm all for monogamy. But the word "accessory" really hurt me.

What do people get out of having "accessory" boyfriends or girlfriends?

Last year for my Year 11 social I took this guy I really liked and I had the time of my life as it was girls from my grade, my classmates there with me celebrating the end of another year. My partner, however, sat there and played on his Blackberry/Palm all night. Now quite frankly I had no problem with that as afterward we went and hung out together, and I had a lot of fun with my friends, but clearly he did not. So what are the chances that if I took him again he'd enjoy himself? I must admit, I'm guilty, I've already asked him if he'd come with me. But why did I? What will I get out of him being bored out of his mind? A final dance at the end of night perhaps? Or to get a picture, not on my own, but with a man by my side?

Another frequently debated topic in relation to the formal would be "who pays for the partner's ticket?" For me, I'm a firm believer the invitee pays for the partner, but with that in mind, if they don't have a suit then that's for them to deal with. This leads me into another frustration I'm having, this time with the "new age man" who believes that they don't need to pay for their dates/partners/girls. As I've said, I don't mind whipping out and paying, to tell you the truth, I feel bad about seeing people pay for me, girls or guys alike. With that said, I get frustrated when a guy doesn't even make the offer and assumes it's your shout.

Now, I have this gentleman of a friend who pays for absolutely EVERYTHING. I'm talking EVERYTHING. Movie tickets, dinner, any food or drinks. Basically, if I'm with him, he'll pay. On the other hand, I know this other guy who's not so generous. The first, he's the older end of Gen Y, and the latter, the younger half of Gen Y. So have the times changed so severely in less then a decade between the two?

xx

Stars&Hearts

NOTE: Firstly, I haven't written a piece simply because I wanted to for a while now. Last night I got rather inspired and wrote and wrote and wrote. This just pretty much spilled from me, which means I haven't edited other than just what I wrote in that one sitting. Enjoy. Comments appreciated.

What do you do when you realise that everybody you fell for felt nothing?

What do you do when you notice that you’ve landed face down only to stare up and watch them walk away?

Do you get back up on your own two feet and walk away, or do you run after them?

You watch as they shoot down all those stars in the sky, all those hopes you’ve pinned to them fall to your feet. With every star, every piece that topples out of the sky, a piece of you shatters with it. You try to gather every shard, each pricking your fingers, your palms, piercing the skin, turning blue to red – a reminder of him, of her, of them. 

A figure in the distance, a speck in your past, you contemplate your next step. Every time you set your heart on the line, you watch it rip from every seam, spilling the love it contains all over the cold pearly white tiles. Every rip, every tear stains, never truly coming out – a mark, a reminder of him, of her, of them. 

As you turn to move away the figure in the distance is no longer in the distance, but within arms reach. A sudden jerk, a muscle spasm, a sudden urge to surrender to old habits. You watch as the demon of old habits battle the shield of willpower. A soft smile sweeps across from cheek to cheek, both gently colouring rosy pink. Your mind, your brain, a movie reel begins to replay scenes kept in the secret vault you thought you had sealed away, never to reopen. Each movie with new alterations of this moment, this very tangible moment where they are tangible, you are tangible, and the moment vulnerable. Before the movie reel comes to a halt time stands still, your demon has won. 

Seeing eye to eye, you peer through the windows of their soul, hoping to find remnants of you within them. Hopelessly hoping that you’ll find something, anything with you in it. Movie reels empty, heart seams tearing, your hopes are once again shattered. Their stare blank suddenly bursts into shock, disbelief and draws away out of arms reach. You, on autopilot, shoot out an arm, beckoning them not to go, to stay one moment more. With every breath you inhale a bit of them, their familiar scent lingering, reigniting moments long gone. 

As your conscious mind fills the crevices you notice the girlish fingers, hand, arm around him, around her, around them. You look up, watching as she stands in your place beside them, almost teasingly. Those months of healing, those months of re-seaming your heart, of pinning every star back in the dark abyss of the night sky, wasted. Everything once again comes apart; those new seams singe before combusting, a flame burning through every last thread. The pins loosen and the stars once again rain down upon you, harder and more piercing then ever. What had once shattered to a thousand pieces now lay in a million. 

You had wandered through the streets of your life aimlessly, meandering, hoping to move on, but all you were doing was reminiscing. They had truly moved on, had left you behind, begun a new chapter, and all you can do is stare, wondering how things always worked out for them and not for you. They shatter YOUR heart, ruin YOUR hopes and dreams and left you to pick it all up as they led a new life without you. 

Before long you look up noticing everyone in the world had moved on, everybody in world had somebody else, except you. You sit in the puddle that is your seeping love and shattered hopes, hoping once more that miracles happen, that someone out there would notice and take you in their arms telling you that everything will be all right, that they’ll be there for you no matter what. They’ll be there for you like you were for everyone else; they’ll never leave you. 

As you open your eyes, the curtains draw to reveal a solemn day not unlike every other day. You turn to reveal an empty bed; it had always been empty, never filled, a glass half empty. They left shoes too big to fill, so you left them empty with memories, of altered movie reels superimposed to the point where reality was fantasy. 

You gently slide out of bed, careful not to have sudden movements that would reopen old wounds. You live in a life of bubble wrap, where everything has a protective sheen ensuring not its safety but your own. They say you learn from your mistakes, that once you fall you pick yourself right up again, but you can only do that so many times. After sixty years, there have been enough mistakes made, enough shattered stars and seaming hearts mended. One can only take so much. 

An envelope pierces your bubble wrap home, your only contact with the world outside your own. Each soft tug pulsed through your veins resonating in adrenalin through you. Out peeped a white note from him, from her, from them. A soft smile sweeps across from cheek to cheek, both gently colouring rosy pink under the dampened skin. Each word seeping through your fingers filling your heart with something you felt years ago, something you last felt as they shot down your stars and tore your heart from seam to seam. Addressed to you laid their final word, their final letter. Them, no different to you, sitting alone in a bubble wrap world, the pain never ceased, still their reasons unclear. 

“You heart wasn’t the only one shattered, your stars weren’t the only ones shot down. If one bleeds, the other does to. We will never be apart again.”

The World We Live In

Recently in good ol' Sydney, Australia we had a march for the rights to gay marriage (1st of August '09). Sadly I missed the whole march and illegal marriage as I had a Legal Lecture and I didn't exactly check my email until it had all been over. I'm a strong activist for gay rights, I believe they are no different to heterosexual couples and deserve the rights that heterosexual couples receive. Thing is recent reforms to de facto relationships mean that those who are in a de facto are almost treated like a married couple and quite frankly I think they're in a de facto relationship for a reason. These de facto reforms go for both hetero and homosexual couples. I understand that under the Marriage Act 1961 (Cwlth) it states that marriage is a "union between a man and woman, to the exclusion to all others, voluntarily entered into for life", but we've already introduced no-fault divorce under the Family Law Act 1975 which contradicts the "for life" part of the definition as you can easily divorce your partner.

My parents are strongly against homosexual relationships they believe that it's not normal, but normal is relative. However, as I said before, I'm a strong activist for gay rights and I get in quite a few heated arguments about this with my parents, to the point where they had to reinstate that if I'm gay I'll be out on my ass before I could finish my sentence. I don't know how I've become such an activist, but I have been for a while. Another perfect place for my stubborn passion. I have a few bisexual friends, some so bi that they're edging gay and I know a few gays and lesbians.

One thing that has been brought to my attention about the misconception of gays and lesbians is that if they're gay, lesbian, bi is that they respectively like all males or females, or both. This just re-emphasise how they aren't that different from straight people, reality check people they DON'T like ever male or female, they still have classes of hot, or not hot. My good friend is bisexual, and she constantly rates chicks. She'd be like, "she was NOT hot". It's not like because they're gay they'll try rape you in your sleep simply because you're the same sex.



Last night I was sitting and channel surfing when I came across an American show. Didn't sit and watch the whole thing, but the segment I watched was about a serial killer on trial and it was during the sentencing process. The sentence was between life sentence, or the death penalty. In Australia, however, we have abolished the death penalty and life sentence is not actually a LIFE sentence, unless you were "cemented in" a legislation that came in that allows complete life sentences for severe cases.

Firstly, who decides if the case is severe enough? For all you know you could stumble across something a lot more severe later on. The cementing in legislation in Australia came in after the Bronson Blessington case. Basically this Blessington when he was 14 was part of a gang rape where they kidnapped this girl and slashed her with a knife and raped her wounds. He was sentenced to life behind bars while the other boys weren't (can't remember their sentence lenghts). So that was pretty bad, sure, but I've heard of many heinous crimes that have happened over the years but never has such a severe punishment been handed down.

Secondly, I personally feel that life behind bars serves more justice than the death penalty. The death penalty, that person is dead and won't feel remorse or feel the aftermath of what they did. Life sentence on the other hand, they can sit in the cell for every single day of their lives and hopefully remorse will finally settle, if not then all the more reason to have them locked away for life. I know the counter argument to all this is that it's expensive to keep behind bars, and I know that. It's about $270 a day to keep a person behind bars, but at least justice is served. But what if someone was sentenced to life when they didn't deserve to or in Bronson Blessington's case when they were extremely young? Sure my argument for Blessignton is that when you're 14 you know the distinction between right and wrong, but he'll never see the light of day outside of the prison walls ever again.

With everything I've said in mind, the highest level or recidivism is by people who have been to prison. Those who had been rehabilitated and received post-rehabilitation/prison support had a much smaller chance of recidivism. People released from prison come out a lot worse than when they go in, unless they're someone like Ivan Milat. They learn from other prisoners who are nothing but bad influence. And for some who have grown up in a world of turmoil and nothing but trouble, they tend to return to crime simply because they feel more at home in prison. Prisoners who don't receive post-sentencing support feel the need to return to crime as nobody in society can accept them. Employers don't want to employ them, and the government (Centrelink) doesn't want to give them allowance or a place to live. So if that's how society treats them is there no surprise that they return to crime?



Honestly Legal Studies has really not just opened my eyes to the world, but has also taken over my life and perceptions. Whenever something happens all I can think is "how does this relate to what I know?"

That's enough from me today.

xx

Lips Of Deceit

Listening to: ...... - Snobscrilla
Mood: Frustrated

In this day and age technology has enhanced the speed of which communication travels. So I was sitting at the computer last night, procrastinating, and decided to visit my Twitter and up on the Twitterfeed was a friend of mine talking about how she had a "ROYAL screw up". And I was worried, so I approached her this morning about what had happened, what had been her "ROYAL screw up". After she told me one thing that stood out that annoyed me was that another friend of hers had contributed to this "ROYAL screw up" which in my mind wasn't a screw up at all. Her friend had spread rumours that she was flirting with my friend's friend's boyfriend. Thing is, my friend's friend's boyfriend is friends with a lot of people, include my friend and I. Sure, my first post was about the whole flirting thing, but I know my friend and she isn't the type to go about flirting with other people's boyfriend. (By the way, the people in this post has NOTHING to do with the previous post).

Lying. My perspective on lying is that it shouldn't be done, but with that said I'm being a hypocrite, another form of human folly I do not agree with. I'm not saying I've never lied as that in itself is a lie. But I'm saying I've never lied about other people and spread rumours that I hadn't witnessed. Perhaps I did when I was a lot younger, when I was ignorant towards what my actions actually meant. These days I try my best not to spread what I know is untrue, but I do discuss what I have witnessed and oppose.

I strongly believe that "friends" who back stab you are better off not as friends. People who know me will know that if I dislike somebody, I won't hesitate to draw the line and tell them I'm not their friend. I HATE two-faced people, in the words of Shakespeare "One may smile, and smile, and be a villain". I can understand that you'd try to be nice to people to keep harmony in an environment, but that's TRYING TO BE NICE not going under false pretenses. Yes, there is a fine line between the two, but not so fine that you can't differentiate between the two.

xx

Harmless Flirting

Listening to: This Fire Burns - Killswitch Engage
Mood: content, however, slightly frustrated

So after viewing a few of my friend's blogs here on Blogspot I decided to create my own. Haven't decided exactly what my use of it would be. Perhaps to vent, or perhaps as one of my friends has done, to use as a creative outlet. Regardless, I'll be blogging thoughts and whatnot here.

However, for my first entry I just have a few things I want to get off my chest. Now, I don't really regard what is coming as 'bitching' as such, it's my way of discussing what is happening in the lives that surround me and values I do not agree, nor uphold.

I have this friend, and her previous boyfriend was taken away by this other girl she used to be rather good friends with. This happened a few years back when we were all a lot younger and ignorance ran though our veins as freely as blood itself. However, this other girl didn't exactly TAKE him as such, he left my friend for the other girl. My friend had severed her friendship with this other girl because of this whole debacle, but she had continued her friendship with the guy who had come between them in the first place. Ok so that's the background.

Recently I've noticed my friend's flirtatious gestures towards her ex-boyfriend, whom she had continued a friendship with disregarding the fact he broke up with her to be with this other girl. What frustrates me is this constant flirtation, not to mention my friend had almost immediately found another boyfriend after her ex broke up with her. I feel rather sorry for her current boyfriend because of this. She tries to go out behind her boyfriend's back or when ever the opportunity arises. And the sad thing is she denies that what she's doing is flirting. She doesn't think her ex constantly wrapping his arms around her or her sitting on his lap counts as anything. Honestly, if I didn't know better I'd think that they were a couple.

You can call me narrow-minded, traditional whatnot, but I do NOT believe in polygamy. Whether it's in a relationship simply as boyfriend-girlfriend or a marriage. Not just polygamy, but cheating. I guess me being stubborn works with my passion here. It's never ok to cheat, and even if everyone in a polygamous relationship understands, it's ridiculous. The whole point of a relationship, and I'm talking proper relationships here, I believe is that you acknowledge the person you cherish and by being in that relationship you're announcing to the world, or whoever knows, how dearly you cherish this person. Quite frankly I don't think my friend would be so nice if she found this other girl flirting with her boyfriend, or her boyfriend flirting with an ex. So I don't understand why there's a double standard for her.

One friend once said to me that they thought that girl/boyfriends were more like accessories to them than anything else. This angered me and I refused to speak to this person for a while, and honestly to this day I haven't really spoken to them other than artifical conversations. This links quite nicely to what I was saying before, if you're going to bother being in a relationship cherish it, don't muck around. If you like them, be with them and only them. If you don't like them, they break up with them or don't go out with them in the first place.

But having said all this, I guess everything is based on perception and how one perceives a situation and these are purely my perceptions based on my morals and ethics. And like I said at the beginning, call me old fashioned, traditional call me what you will but if I was in a relationship with someone I wouldn't want to be cheated on, and I definitely wouldn't think twice about cheating on someone.

xx