Someone Else's Shoes

Have you ever felt that someone else's shoes are simply too big to fill? That you could never induce the same feelings in someone that someone else could?

That's how I feel and have felt for the last 6 months.

No matter what I do, there always seems to be this shadow looming over head that constantly reminds me of how someone else was always better. This person (let's call them Carol) Carol could subconsciously control another person (let's call them Henry) Henry's emotions. Carol made Henry the happiest he's ever been but could make him cry like there was no tomorrow. There was something that Carol possessed that I do not and I can't quite seem to get it right.

I'm not nearly as intellectual as Carol, nor do I have an edge. I cannot sing to save my life, and she made a life out of singing. I must admit, she's pretty damn good looking and I don't quite sit on the spectrum as high as her.

I know that I shouldn't be comparing myself to her, she was the past and I am the present. I don't want Carol to be erased because she did much good but in my view, she did much more bad than good. In the end Carol crushed and tossed Henry aside, I could never do that.

All this said, there are somethings that Henry has mentioned that soothes me at heart. The fact that what I see, Henry's inner 5-year-old, is his true self that he doesn't reveal very often. This inner 5-year-old who is predominately there than not, although sometimes a little frustrating, is the person who loves me most.

I know there are many things I have grasp on that puts me miles ahead of her, but it's these little things I wish I could possess. But you always want what you don't have. There is always something more out there that you want and it doesn't matter how much you already have.

But no matter how much time has passed, these images in my head play over and over again. These images of you and her.