Protection Or Control?

Listening to: "The Nanny" (TV show)

Mood: Happy but exhausted

There's a fine line between being protective, and being controlling, but where does this line lie? When does being protective suddenly topple over the line and become controlling?

As my background is Asian, this line isn't very prominent. My parents always say "we're doing it to protect you" but many times it seems controlling. Every movement is restricted at every angle. They control my income as they are my employees. They control what I wear buy restrict what they buy me, and obviously as the income I receive is controlled, therefore what I can spend is restricted. Even the way I look is almost regulated, though I do try to "do what I please".

The income I receive is limited by what wages they pay me per day. No, I'm not allowed to take up another job to get more money because "family business comes first".

Recently I chopped off my long locks. I had hair down past my boobs, it is now only about a few centimeters long. The moment I walked through the door they gasped "omg you look like a lesbian now!", how ironic. Regardless, they had a huge hissy-fit and constantly declared that I'm becoming gay. (Guess it shouldn't come as a surprise now that I am dating a girl.)

They control what I wear by trying to guilt trip me into changing. They know that I would do my best to please them as I'm one of those people who try to please everyone and never disappoint. They complain that they can see a bra-strap, they complain because they can see a little cleavage. They tell me I'm too fat to wear short dresses or skirts, or even tight clothing.

They too try to regulate what I attend, and who I'm with. Since turning 18, one rule regards clubbing. I am unable to attend unless with my older cousin, or a boyfriend. My cousin stuck up a bargain, if I take her, I pay for everything. Drinks, entry fee, everything. The latter option is not a viable option at all.

I think being brought up in an environment like this has influenced me, no surprises there. I feel too that the line between protection and control is blurred for me. I try to do things to protect my girl, but sometimes I feel I've overstepped the boundary and have begun to control her by regulating what she does. I tell myself it's for her own good, for her health that I try to regulate what she does, but it's also because what she does goes against my own morals.

In some areas the distinction between protection and control are obvious, in other situations, it's not so obvious. So I guess all you can do is stand up for yourself when the time comes but don't fight everything because sometimes it's truly good for you.

xx